Home is Home

All desis who come to US either short term or long term, have one thing in common: One day, they want to go back to their country. We are no exception. Like rest of us, we came here thinking that we will be back in couple of years. And like most of us, we are here for more than five years now. But recently, we have been contemplating plans to move back. I have assigned a dead line to myself. Have decided that if we don't go back by next year end, then we are no more thinking about going back.

Relocating is always a big thing. When it comes to relocating to a different country miles away its even more difficult. But with my goal in mind, I asked one of my friends who recently went back about how do they feel. Since they have been in the same boat, their experience is quite relevant. She gave me the answer I was looking for. She said, you need to have a clear idea why are you coming back. Life is not easy as in States. Even if there is lot of progress being made but lot of challenges still remain, specially in day to day life. You can easily get frustrated by the system. It takes a lot of time and effort to get obvious things done. You can easily get frustrated and start regretting. But when that happens, you need to remember the actual reason why you moved back. That made me thinking, and here is this post to myself, elaborating why I want to go back:

1) First on the list is the Festivals: Even though, by no means we are a very enthusiastic family who celebrates festivals with a bang, but its the euphoria around you which touches you. When you see the chamak of Diwali lights everywhere, be it on roads, offices, TV soaps or neighbors, you automatically come into the mood of celebration. You can not remain untouched when you see your neighbors whitewashing their homes or making rangoli outside. Its the child hood memories of festivals which makes me celebrate those. I want to show my kids the same heritage.

I don't want to think about office on Diwali. Sheer joy of greeting one another or exchanging gifts and sweets with friends and family on common festivals is overwhelming. I miss going in a packed shop to buy beautiful bangles just before karwachauth or shop for the best rakhi for my dearest brother. I miss the Janamashtami night when all the temples in street are adorned and kids drees up like kanhiya ji or gopis. I miss the colors of Holi even though I never liked drenching up in water. I miss the moongfali and revrhi and 'Sunda Mundriye' of Lorhi. I miss the early morning going to rooftop for flying kites on Sankranti.

Yes, there are many festivals here, but I still have not learnt how to celebrate those. Basically, I am ignorant and don't really know what you do on those days (Thanks giving, Christmas). Yes we get holidays on those days, but that makes it even more tough. Holiday means nothing is available in market. You can not even go to mall or restaurants. I remember searching for at least one pizza joint on thanks giving with no luck. So you can not go out and since I have no family here I can not go to them as well to celebrate. Since, I don't know what to do on these days, I wonder how kids will learn. NO, its not the life I want for myself or for them.

2) Family: As its obvious from #1 that fun of celebrating any festival or a special day is when your loved ones are around. My family is miles and miles away. It not even possible to make a phone call when I truly miss them. I have to look at clock to decide if its appropriate to call. So, that leaves me with weekends to talk. Even when I make a call, its difficult to relate to the mindset of the other person. They are almost ready to hit the bed if I call in the morning. I am in my morning rush of preparing breakfast or taking shower or start the day. Its so difficult to relate to one another.

Now here, I am talking about first family, but what about extended family. Its been so long since I spoke to my masis or bhuas. I don't get time and since they have to make International calls I can't blame them for not calling me. Making phone call itself is so difficult so its a no brainer that you can't think of meeting your family or extended family members. My son is 15 months now and no one except my mom has seen him yet. My grand mom passed away last year and I could not even meet her in more than five years. She could not see her first great grand son.

Weddings, two years ago I almost cancelled my trip to attend my own sister's wedding. Forget about cousins or friends. I have not seen any of my cousin's better halves or kids yet. I miss attending weddings and being part of all traditions. I miss getting crazy while shopping for wedding ahead. I miss getting together with cousins and their kids. I want to see my brothers and sisters more often. I want our kids to grow together.

From my child hood the sweetest and most cherished memories I have, are those when we went to naani k ghar on each summer vacation. Wonder where will my kids go or will they even understand naani or maamu ka ghar. Will they ever get the chance of being pampered by younger maamu or maasi.

Its not just about happy times. In this far away country, whom to call when you need someone when you are sick or at hospital. Yes, we have been fortunate to have some good friends around, but still its difficult. Same time, what to do when your family needs you. You cannot just buy a ticket and fly.

3) Language, Clothes : Yes, I can speak English and can understand it with accent now. But, that is not my language. I cannot express myself in this foreign language. I still can neither crack a joke nor can I understand one in English. I don't get their context and am sure they don't get mine either. I am unable to feel that personal touch with people I see daily. Though people here are more nice and polite than my own people, still I cannot relate to them. Their problems are different, their way of living life or work is different. As my visa status says, I feel like an alien.

Coming to clothes, its not like after moving back to India, I will start wearing saree to office. I will still wear the comfortable jeans. But, I love my desi dresses, the vibrant colors, the beautiful bangles, Heavy embroidery or soft silk.

4) Movies: Hollywood movies might be more logical and more practical and fun but I want to watch apni Bollywood movies. The larger than life stars, their promotions, tv shows, their masala news. That fills up a big part of your day. I still have not figured out a single tv serial here which I like and I wait for.

5) Food: Food is not at the bottom, but I am just not that hungry right now. Yes, there are more cuisines here. You can get Italian, Japnese or Thai or Mexican whatever you want to, but nothing can beat the swad of eating tikki chat or ragdha samosa or pani poori from roadside (I admit I might not be able to eat that anymore, even after going back. Call it NRI effect). What about mouth watering desi sweets, Jalebis or amertis or lassi makhan maar k.

6) Roads: Oh yes I miss roads. I know roads and infrastructure are terrible in India. But I want to get back my ability to walk on roads and streets. I don't want to drive a car for 10 mins walkable distance. I want to do window shoppping at paalika bazar and commercial street walking.

There are many more subtle things. Even though, I love the personal independence and opportunity I get in this country and the convenience and security it offers, but home is home. As I always say, you can go to a five start hotel for a vacation but soon you start missing home no matter how unorganized that is. I want to go HOME soon. Disclaimer: This is by no means a generic post. It is very subjective and personal. Different people can have different priorities and they make choices based on that. There is no wrong in either staying here or going back. Ultimately, its what makes you happy. This post is mainly for myself. Its a note to self, which, I can look upon whenever, I make my choice.